Stepping Out from behind the shadow

Each new life transition that Havana steps up to, she does so no longer simply for herself but for her younger sister too.

Her little sister follows her like a happy shadow.

They walk together through life, hand in hand, and generally only fight when Havana wants to go off and do her own thing.

Havana will be 8 on Sunday. She can spell, she can read and she can articulate herself very well. Her sister until recently was the listener, the observer and the absorber.

Then last month came Kindergarten. It was as if Ily had been impatiently lingering in the wings. As if she was waiting for her new definition of ‘big girl’ to be bestowed on her from without.

She now goes to Maxwell Park Elementary with her 3rd-Grade big sis. After starting at her new school, Ilyana changed. Overnight, it seemed, she began to have something important to say at the dinner table. Every night. The half-joking grunting that is taylor-made to both annoy and draw-in her parents, gave way to more fullness and specificity in her sentences. It was as if the shoes of her life began to feel that they fit better.

Chasing, picking up and generally irritating our cats has fallen down the list of at-home pleasures for Ilyana. It’s still on the list of course. So now the cats are happier too.

As Havana reads stories to Ilyana, Ily can now poke a finger of recognition at a word now; here and there. She still yearns to copy, but she wants to do things her way too.

In a way, the 3 of us: Karen, Havana and I, have also been waiting for Ily to join us. And now she is no longer the family's ever-present but often silent partner. We’re now 4, in a way that we were not before. And it’s not as if we all wanted Ily to change. We loved her as she was.

Consistent with encouraging Ily’s small explosion of development, I think we’re all unconsciously avoiding the “c” word. Ily is still as cute as a button, but we don’t want her to stay cute, we want her to be her own cute, her bigger, smarter, confident cute. Barring an immaculate conception, Ily will always be the youngest in our family. That place is hers. But now she’s let us all know that she may have a small frame, but she wants to be seen shoulder to shoulder.

She is now a big girl. And we’re all happier for it.

She has taken her first steps out of Havana’s shadow. She has seen that life can exists outside of it. She also knows that Havana will always be there for her, in hard times and through joy. And when she wants to nestle under her sister’s arm that place will always be reserved for her.